We think this might make a good cover for "The Little Bookstore in Big Stone Gap." Val-kyttie certainly does.... (photo: Elissa Powers)

Don’t give up on me! The reason I haven’t posted anything for three months is that I’ve been working hard on writing something else. My non-fiction narrative (aka a memoir), tentatively titled “The Little Bookstore in Big Stone Gap,” is being published by St. Martin’s Press. The first draft—all 73,318 words of it—just went off to the editor. (We’ll see how many come back!)

Once things started happening, they happened fast. Here’s how it all went down:

Jack and I went off on a long-overdue vacation to Chicago in July. Just before leaving, I finished working with my agent, the kind-hearted and super-smart Pamela Malpas. She sent the proposal to several publishing houses, then headed off on her own (hard-earned) holiday.

My husband and I spent a happy week in the heat of summer traipsing ‘round Chicago, not thinking book thoughts, or bookstore thoughts. Our last night there (staying in the fantastic Palmer House Hotel) a message came from Pamela, asking if I could take time from my vacation tomorrow to speak with the two (TWO??!!) publishers interested in my book.

Yeah, I thought I could manage that…

So Jack and I sat under the glorious Palmer House lobby’s ceiling and I spoke with the Penguin and the St. Martin’s Press editors, then with Pamela. Talk about feeling like a yuppie princess; I’d look up at those beautiful frescos, and listen to the voices of the editors who wanted to pay me more than I’d expected to let other people read what I’d written.

Then we got on the L train, luggage and all, just as rush hour was starting, and headed for our airplane home. That kinda brought me back to the realities of life on Earth in a hurry. L trains are great social equalizers.

St. Martin’s Press will publish the book in 2013. (Normally it would be Fall 2012, but as the editor at SMP explained, that presidential election thing may occupy a lot of the reading public’s attention.)

The book timeline:

Of course, Bert the terrier thinks this photo would be best for the book's cover. (photo: Elissa Powers)

–eight months to write the first half

–two months to perfect the proposal for it and hook up with Pamela

–one month to really perfect the proposal under Pamela’s watchful eye

–one week to attract buyers

–one hour on the phone with each editor

–one euphoric day walking around back home, thinking, “Did all that really happen?”

–three months to write the second half of the book

–and thirty minutes to write this blog telling the story and begging indulgence for three months’ absence (although we all know there’s no lack of great blogs out there to read!)

But I promise to keep up now, and if anyone has any questions or comments, please leave them for me. It’s been a wild ride, but a fun one.

(Photo below of Wendy, Bert and half of Zora courtesy of Elissa Powers. You can find more of her lovely work on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/elp6nPhoto)

Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.–Benjamin Disraeli

Last month I gave you an introduction to our bookstore. This month, let me tell you about a part of it that has become the bane of my existence: The Romance Shed, aka the Luv Shack.

I spent the week sorting this outbuilding, which sits on the front lawn of our bookstore. We put about a thousand romance titles in there when we first acquired the building two years ago. As near as I can figure, when we close the doors at night, the fat romance novels get together and spawn litters of “Harlequin Presents.” When I gave the Luv Shack a serious seeing to this past weekend, more than 3,000 of the li’l suckers lay in obscene jumbled heaps on the dirty floor.

Sorting through 3,000 romance novels is enough to make any woman cynical. And of course I had to read the back blurbs to figure out which of our genre groupings it would fall under: Kilts and Celts; Hunks and Horses; Ravishing Rakes; Fleas and Fangs; or Guys with Big Guns. (That would be Medieval, Western, Regency, Paranormal and Contemporary/Suspense in the civilized world.)

My favorite back blurb was probably on the novel “Falling For You.” It was a time travel romance about a bush pilot from Australia falling out of her plane into the arms of a Roman Centurion in the Lost Legion. I didn’t open the book; likely the historical inaccuracies would have been painful. And one has to admit that the possibility of her falling onto his spear has a daunting effect….

Still, after spending two days cooped up in that shed with those books, I am almost tempted to try my hand at writing one. In that vein, here are my top ten observations on what it takes to write a bestselling romance novel:

10. Set it in Texas, Scotland, or a fictional village full of stuffy cast rejects from Pride and Prejudice, and refer to that place only as The Ton.

9. Make the heroine a doctor, or a nurse if it’s a civil war, or an herbalist if it’s medieval.

8. Make the hero show up wounded. If he got wounded rescuing a small child or a kitten, so much the better. Fighting to save a village of unarmed farmers is also good.

7. Set it in a period of conflict. Civil wars are great. It doesn’t matter whose, but American, European, and Oriental work best. So far I’ve not seen one about any African country. And if you aren’t inclined to historic accuracy (or research) no worries; neither, apparently, are the editors. If inaccuracy should concern you, write a paranormal and don’t say what planet you’re on; just let it look an awful lot like someplace in Europe that can’t quite be defined.

6. The heroine’s name should be cute and snappy (Amy, Paige) or smoky and evocative (Jasmine, Arietta)

5. The hero’s name should be strong and stark (Roark, Gabe, or Dirk – yes, Dirk)

4. The hero and heroine should take an instant dislike to each other, then fairly early in the book accidentally brush up against each other (especially good while she’s cleansing one of his wounds) causing a pheromone explosion that makes them bonk like mad rabbits.

3. Amy/Arietta should be soft and tender, yet capable of blowing a man away with one shot.

2. Dirk/Gabe should be capable of blowing a man away with one shot, yet soft and tender.

1. Take the advice of Jack Nicholson’s character Melvin, a romance writer, in the film “As Good as it Gets.” Asked by a reader, “How do you write women so well?” he replied, “I think of a man. Then I take away reason and accountability.”