Wendy and Jack flew to Albuquerque this week. They may be a little tired.

The weather out of Denver was windy. Very windy. Hoppy, the bunny conferred with his colleagues Cortez the sea turtle, and Peachy the red fox. All three graced the tails of Frontier aircraft, but only Hoppy’s was scheduled to go.

The raccoon wasn’t there

“It’s windy,” said Hoppy, his ears laid back.

“No shit,” said Cortez. “You still gonna fly?”

“Gotta get these passengers to Albuquerque.” Hoppy’s nose twitched in the general direction of the people shuffling onto the plane, clutching bags and hats against the breeze.

“Well,” said Peachy.

“Nice knowing you,” Cortez added.

The plane took off, almost immediately jacking sideways against the currents. Inside the cabin, a child began to wail. Hoppy folded his paws and waited.

The flight was only 56 minutes. As the craft reached cruising altitude, the turbulence eased. The child ceased screaming. Hoppy breathed a sigh of relief. So did the passengers.

With twenty minutes to go, the pilot sent the flight attendants a message: fasten in, it’s going to be a rough landing. The chief flight attendant told the passengers that if they wanted to go to the bathroom using an actual toilet, now was the time and that would be appreciated because otherwise they would have to clean the seat if they didn’t. The passengers were not amused, but several with small children got up and were promptly sent back to their seats because federal aviation regulations prevent queueing at the lavatory while in the sky.

Hoppy watched everyone buckle in. His nose sniffed the wind. And pee from a couple of children who hadn’t made it.

The plane’s nose dipped. Hoppy squatted on his haunches, a look of steely determination on his face.

“How’s it going?” Peachy’s voice came in through Hoppy’s antenna ears.

“Looking grim. I’ll see them through, Peachy.”

“You always do,” said Peachy. In the background, Cortez the turtle sang “Sooooo long, it’s been good to know ya.”

Inside, the passengers began to tighten their belts and look nervously out the window. Hoppy turned his ears toward the control tower and heard “… too much crosswind so circle around.”

The plane banked sharply left. Inside, the child began screaming again.

Hoppy hunched over the wing, gripping tightly with his paws. “I’ll see them through, no matter what,” he muttered, and began to battle the wind. Left, right, up, down, his paws flexed flaps and pulled levers, ears flat against his head, whiskers pointing due north.

The plane descended, hit an air pocket, and bounced. The screaming child was joined by several passengers.

“Fuck,” said Hoppy, and regained his footing, using his lucky rabbit feet.

A final dip, a swift correction, and the plane bounced once on the runway. Hoppy pulled hard on the brake, whiskers and ears flat against the wind. The plane stopped. The child stopped screaming. So did most of the passengers.

Hoppy wiped sweat from his furred brow and adjusted his ears.

“Everything all right over there?” Peachy’s voice came in loud and clear.

“Just peachy, Peachy. I got them safely in.”

“You always do, Hoppy,” Peachy said.

In the background, Cortez spoke. “We said a fiver, you cheater. Pay up.”

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Filed under bad writing, book reviews, humor, small town USA, Uncategorized, Wendy Welch

Standing Room Only – –

Jack makes it on time for his Wednesday blog post – –

Wendy is attending a conference in Albuquerque and I went along too for a rare vacation.

I booked our flights to and from Knoxville airport and found that the most convenient schedule was with ‘Frontier Airlines’ which just involved a two-hour layover in Denver. The flights were fairly cheap but that was where things got interesting.

After booking the flights I discovered that the seats (any seats) were extra, and so was a carry-on bag. There would be (limited) snacks and drinks available but also with an extra charge! Seats were allocated at check-in and couldn’t be chosen beforehand.

The airline uses Airbus 320 planes which are more or less equivalent to Boeing 737s and I had flown in them a number of times in the past. However, when we boarded for the five-hour flight to Denver I was dismayed to see that the seats were thin, hard and non-reclining. The customary screen wasn’t on the back of the seat in front or hanging from the ceiling, so no entertainment or info on the flight progress.

By the time we reached Denver my legs were stiff and my bum was sore!

The onward flight to Albuquerque was in an identical Airbus but more bearable as it was only two hours long.

I remarked to Wendy that Airbus was a very appropriate name – almost like the Greyhound Bus of the air.

We were almost the only people wearing masks at the airports or on the planes – –

Our return flight will be with American Airlines so it will be interesting to compare and contrast!

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