The People You Meet When Cruising

Wendy returns, as promised, to sharing details of her and Jack’s recent Alaskan cruise

We met Melissa in one of the Alaskan cruise ship’s eight or fifteen bars – I never did get an accurate count. The different locations had varying personalities: poolside cheery, upscale top deck, and the British-feel pub (Oak and something, they’re all named Oak and something) down in the bowels of level 4.


Since the ship requires you to buy a drinks package (unlimited drink, obscene amount of money), I had made it my aim to try two new-to-me cocktails every day. Research, you understand, because I am an academic.

Having been told to try a Boston Iced Tea Party at the Oak and something, I slipped onto the bar stool next to Jack, at the corner adjoining the short end of the bar. Hearing of my quest, Roy-the-bartender began to suggest cocktails I might want to write down and try later.

At the short edge of the bar, leaning casually against the wall, sat a pretty woman, dark-complected, a sturdy kind of plump, and with a light to her face that signaled she enjoyed life. When she heard what Roy was proposing—a particular kind of “dirty martini,” she suggested an Espresso Martini. “It’s the kind of drink you can only have before noon,” she said with a grin.

The bartender agreed and a minute later, I had one in front of me.

Holy cow – the buzz could have been triple sec, coffee beans, or turpentine. I don’t know. I don’t remember a lot about the drink.

Melissa, as her name turned out to be, was on holiday after switching jobs. She had been a manager for a busy Best Buy and decided life was not as she wished it. Having gotten her real estate license, she was exploring her interest in “people, houses, and money.”

Nobody’s fool, Melissa wanted to live a comfortable life, but she also wanted to do more than “sell people bigger appliances than they can afford, while deluding them it would make them happy.”

As we chatted, Melissa shot us a swift, assessing look, then said her wife was on the cruise with her. It was a five-year anniversary event, as well as a change of life celebration. “I’m from a very traditional Catholic Hispanic family. We grew up a block away from each other, and it was a significant difference. My family had money, and I was the youngest girl. She was the oldest child in her family that didn’t have money. We didn’t know each other until high school, when she suddenly invited me to a club meeting.”

“And that’s how you got together?”

Melissa tossed the next line off casually. “No, we weren’t allowed to be gay in high school. It was after, when I was in college and she was working that we went to the same party and she said, ‘I remember you.’”

“She’d had a secret crush?” My romantic husband’s eyes lit up.

With a shrug, Melissa said, “I didn’t remember her. And she said that wasn’t unusual because all the people on my street were snobs. Which made me mad, and we didn’t speak the rest of the party. But I saw her a few days later in the store and told her off. And then I asked her out. Then we were together until it was legal to get married. That gave my parents time to get used to the idea. My dad walked me down the aisle. Her dad wouldn’t attend.”

Melissa paused, took a sip of her whiskey and soda, and said, “Actually, I think he was pissed his oldest girl was marrying a snob from across the tracks more than anything.”

We gave polite chuckles. I ventured a question: “So your family was accepting from the beginning?”

Melissa laughed. “No. My grandma said I would burn in hell, and she didn’t want that for me. You don’t know guilt until you’ve met an abuela. My dad went with the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy, and my mom acted like I had a life partner I loved. She took it in stride. ‘Boyfriend, girlfriend, do they respect you and will you get bored of each other?’”

I smiled back. “Moms tend to get it right first.”

“They do,” said Melissa. “They really do. When I told her I wanted to get married, to a girl, she told me, ‘The greatest happiness a child should be able to give their mother is to watch them be happy in life.’”

Talk flowed to our plans for docking in Skagway the next day—Melissa knew someone in town who was picking them up for a meal. Jack and I were casually meandering the tourist trap stores and then walking up to a waterfall. We parted with handshakes. I never saw Melissa again.

What fascinating, lovely stories people hold inside them.

Pumpkins Bursting With Opportunity And Community

Many people know Wendy as a writer, but in her day job she runs a medical non-profit. This post is about the monthly outing with her non-profit sponsors.

Today I am off to help kids in a rent-controlled apartment complex paint pumpkins – by which I mean I sourced where to get free pumpkins, bought paint, and will pick up the pumpkins on the way there.


The kids will have a good time. So will their parents. They will sneak down to the picnic shelter after 20 minutes or so, have a snack, and look at what their kids are doing. They will say things like “Good job” or “What’s that supposed to be?” They will look at the extra pumpkins, and paints, then look around.

One of us who are in charge will smile and say, “Want to do one yourself?” and the parent will shake their head: no no, these are for the kids.

“We will have so many left over we can’t take back with us, seems a shame to waste them,” one of us who are in charge will say. And a minute later the parent will be sitting down at the edge of the group, tentatively reaching for a brush.

Most of them didn’t get childhoods. No one stood over them and said “Good job” or “what’s that supposed to be?” The fact that their kids are whooping it up with stuff they didn’t provide makes them maybe a little sad, maybe a little relieved, these parents who were never children themselves.

After a few minutes, those of us in charge will realize a couple of the parents are amazing artists. We will admire their pumpkin, ask them how long they’ve enjoyed drawing. We will sneak to the craft bin and take out some extra stuff from an event I ran last month, where doctors and their children who were waiting for supper could watercolor on small canvases.

We will ask them if they want a couple of canvases, if they know their neighbor who is also having a grand time painting, and which of the two of them should take home these leftover watercolor paints so they could be shared.

It’s just pumpkins, another day in the life of a bunch of people society blames for their own poverty. It’s just a monthly do-gooding session by a bunch of medical students doing community outreach.

But those medical students are watching what happens when kids and parents have childhoods—maybe together. And those parents are creating community because they’re talking to each other about their pumpkins.

And the directors of the event are watching the pre-med students watch the apartment
complex population come alive with joy, all of them having a good time. Nobody is lecturing anyone about nutrition, but the students just scooped the pumpkin guts into Tupperware and handed them off with recipe cards and small jars of spices and oil.

We’re changing the world, one parent, one pumpkin, one medical student at a time.

Because we’re prioritizing joy, community, and understanding each other.

When these medical students get into residency and hear “poor people make poor choices” and “they’re not interested in changing,” they will remember the pumpkins, the parents, the paints, and the laughter that said a little more loudly: “We’re people who want lives with happiness in them, and we’re doing the best we can with what we’ve got.”

And they will say, “Excuse me, but….”

And I cannot wait until these medical students enter residency!