The Apples Overwhelming my Eyes

Wendy is on her way to Louisville…loaded with goodness, of both books and apples

I’m part of a gleaning society. We move food that would otherwise rot in the field, getting it into people’s kitchens. We prioritize food banks and cafes that serve suspended meals or otherwise have token systems for those who can’t pay with money.

A week ago, the coordinator for the gleaners let us know they had apples. Great, everybody loves apples, right? Our coordinator and her husband picked them up.

Six half-ton boxes of apples. Three went straight to some food banks and suspended cafes. The call went out for community members to come get some fruit.

I took ten grocery bags of apples, with the intent of giving as many as possible away, and then canning up a bag or two for gifting. I run the buy nothing list in my county. The list proved disinterested, so I made sure to have some in my car when attending civic meetings. 12 dozen apple gifts later, people were starting to edge away from me at these events. “Don’t go near her, she’s handing out apples. Don’t leave your car unlocked. Apples are the new zucchini.”

And of course the apples landed in a busy week. We’re working on a federal grant – well we would be if our federal identity page for our non-profit worked properly. Six hours passed with help desks and support services, coring apples while on hold or waiting for instruction on what grew to be a more complex problem by the hour. There was something very meta about mashing apples when hearing there was nothing we could do but wipe our profile and start over.

Anger has to go someplace. Mine gave the 21 bottles of cider a nice spicy flavor.

200 cidered apples and one new federal identity page later, I checked the fridge. Apples in the meat drawer. Apples in the cheese drawer. Apples in the veggie drawer. Apples in the butter panel, in the egg holder, stuck behind the coil leading to the freezer. APPLES EVERYWHERE!

I made apple butter. I made apple pumpkin butter, thereby eliminating the problem of what to do with the pumpkin going over on my porch. (Our chickens are mutants. They won’t eat pumpkin.)

150 apples to go. In desperation, I googled “unusual apple recipes for canning.” Then I reset my filter to adult controls and googled it again.

Steamed apple bread pudding (yes you can can bread; you just have to know what you’re doing). Apple salsa. Spiced apple rings. Apple slaw. Each took fewer apples than one might have hoped. There were still a few dozen apples in my refrigerator as I packed a bag to be one of the authors featured at the Louisville Book Festival Nov. 11.

I put the bags in my car; the other authors will love me, I’m sure.

The People You Meet When Cruising

Wendy returns, as promised, to sharing details of her and Jack’s recent Alaskan cruise

We met Melissa in one of the Alaskan cruise ship’s eight or fifteen bars – I never did get an accurate count. The different locations had varying personalities: poolside cheery, upscale top deck, and the British-feel pub (Oak and something, they’re all named Oak and something) down in the bowels of level 4.


Since the ship requires you to buy a drinks package (unlimited drink, obscene amount of money), I had made it my aim to try two new-to-me cocktails every day. Research, you understand, because I am an academic.

Having been told to try a Boston Iced Tea Party at the Oak and something, I slipped onto the bar stool next to Jack, at the corner adjoining the short end of the bar. Hearing of my quest, Roy-the-bartender began to suggest cocktails I might want to write down and try later.

At the short edge of the bar, leaning casually against the wall, sat a pretty woman, dark-complected, a sturdy kind of plump, and with a light to her face that signaled she enjoyed life. When she heard what Roy was proposing—a particular kind of “dirty martini,” she suggested an Espresso Martini. “It’s the kind of drink you can only have before noon,” she said with a grin.

The bartender agreed and a minute later, I had one in front of me.

Holy cow – the buzz could have been triple sec, coffee beans, or turpentine. I don’t know. I don’t remember a lot about the drink.

Melissa, as her name turned out to be, was on holiday after switching jobs. She had been a manager for a busy Best Buy and decided life was not as she wished it. Having gotten her real estate license, she was exploring her interest in “people, houses, and money.”

Nobody’s fool, Melissa wanted to live a comfortable life, but she also wanted to do more than “sell people bigger appliances than they can afford, while deluding them it would make them happy.”

As we chatted, Melissa shot us a swift, assessing look, then said her wife was on the cruise with her. It was a five-year anniversary event, as well as a change of life celebration. “I’m from a very traditional Catholic Hispanic family. We grew up a block away from each other, and it was a significant difference. My family had money, and I was the youngest girl. She was the oldest child in her family that didn’t have money. We didn’t know each other until high school, when she suddenly invited me to a club meeting.”

“And that’s how you got together?”

Melissa tossed the next line off casually. “No, we weren’t allowed to be gay in high school. It was after, when I was in college and she was working that we went to the same party and she said, ‘I remember you.’”

“She’d had a secret crush?” My romantic husband’s eyes lit up.

With a shrug, Melissa said, “I didn’t remember her. And she said that wasn’t unusual because all the people on my street were snobs. Which made me mad, and we didn’t speak the rest of the party. But I saw her a few days later in the store and told her off. And then I asked her out. Then we were together until it was legal to get married. That gave my parents time to get used to the idea. My dad walked me down the aisle. Her dad wouldn’t attend.”

Melissa paused, took a sip of her whiskey and soda, and said, “Actually, I think he was pissed his oldest girl was marrying a snob from across the tracks more than anything.”

We gave polite chuckles. I ventured a question: “So your family was accepting from the beginning?”

Melissa laughed. “No. My grandma said I would burn in hell, and she didn’t want that for me. You don’t know guilt until you’ve met an abuela. My dad went with the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy, and my mom acted like I had a life partner I loved. She took it in stride. ‘Boyfriend, girlfriend, do they respect you and will you get bored of each other?’”

I smiled back. “Moms tend to get it right first.”

“They do,” said Melissa. “They really do. When I told her I wanted to get married, to a girl, she told me, ‘The greatest happiness a child should be able to give their mother is to watch them be happy in life.’”

Talk flowed to our plans for docking in Skagway the next day—Melissa knew someone in town who was picking them up for a meal. Jack and I were casually meandering the tourist trap stores and then walking up to a waterfall. We parted with handshakes. I never saw Melissa again.

What fascinating, lovely stories people hold inside them.