Category Archives: humor

The Monday Dog Encounter

So instead of a book to read, let me tell you the story of fetching such a book. I walked about a mile over to the house of a woman I had just interviewed for my next book. Rachel is a past or present board member of several initiatives working on poverty and affordable housing in Wytheville and environs. She offered to loan me a book called Hand to Mouth by Linda Tirado, as part of my research.

Writing is a noble profession, but it does tend to make one gain weight if not careful, so I welcomed the opportunity to stretch my legs and let my mind lie fallow a wee while. A warm coat, stout boots, and off I went.

About 2/3 of the way to Rachel’s house, a pit bull came rushing down the upper porch stairs of a big old house and charged the chain link fence between me and him, barking madly.

I turned. “Awww, sweet boy, don’t you look just like my Bruce at home?”

He looked confused.

“And who’s a good boy then, defending Mummy and Daddy’s property and all that? Aren’t you a clever sweet thing, snuffly wuffly baby?”

If there is anything more demeaning to a guard dog than being called snuffly wuffly baby, I have not yet discovered it. He sat down and gave me side-eye.

“Bye now sweet boy!” I waved and continued my slow puff up the hill.

On the way back down, book in hand, I looked for my new canine buddy. Nowhere to be seen, until I checked the high porch. One doggie eye peered between slats on the rail.

Guess he doesn’t want to play anymore. That was my first thought, and then, Oh, I get it. He’s going to wait until I am almost past and then rush the corner of the yard barking really loud to make me jump. That way he can get his dignity back.

Sure enough, two steps past the final fence post, here he came, roaring and frothing fit to burst.

“Oh doggiewoggie bowwowser snookie pookums,” I said, in my best purr. “You are so clever wever, aren’t you snooshie wooshie baby boy?”

His shoulders slumped. He turned and started for the porch. I turned back to my journey, but when I glanced over my shoulder, he was doing the same, regarding me with a kind of curious reproach in his eyes.

Lissen son, 2020 is almost over and then you can get your groove back, ‘kay? For now, accept pookie snookums good boy as the compliment it is. None of the other neighborhood dogs heard. You’ll be fine.

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Filed under animal rescue, humor, Life reflections, Wendy Welch, writing

Zoom me up Scottie – –

Jack makes it just in time again – –

For a good few months we’ve been holding Zoom meetings every Sunday with some close friends in North Carolina, Virginia and Scotland. It’s an odd way to connect but better than nothing.

It’s kind of amazing for me that what seemed like science fiction just a few years ago is now normal – speaking to folk across the world while seeing them.

I worried back when we first started that we’d run out of things to talk about but it’s turned out quite the opposite – we actually tend to run on beyond the allotted hour. We all know each other’s houses so there’s often a conducted tour to show what’s been happening, holiday decorations and such. Our cats and dogs usually make an appearance as well. Some of us eat breakfast while we talk and others drink coffee, although the five hour time difference between the US and Scotland makes that weird as well.

Wendy is much more used to Zooming than me and she has a goodly number of different groups that she interacts with, and I occasionally wander past her and say hello. Our good friend Liz in Ireland hosts a massive Zoomed storytelling event every Saturday night and often has thirty or forty folk connecting from all over the world, whereas we just have four lots of two and we only chat.

Of course there are lots of examples of folk wandering into the bathroom with their i-pads while remaining connected, but we’ve managed to avoid that – although only just!

The biggest problem is the latency issue, so there’s a slight delay which makes natural conversation really difficult, and I am sure that the most-used phrase of 2020, besides “Do you have toilet paper?” is “Your mic is on mute.”

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Filed under between books, Big Stone Gap, blue funks, humor, Life reflections, Scotland, small town USA, Wendy Welch