Tough Day for Bubba

Looking out the kitchen window, I saw the fattest robin ever sitting in our Japanese dogwood. Bubba Redbreast looked, well, fat and happy as he surveyed his domain with a speculative eye. I could about read the thought bubble above his head: she will like this. It’s got a good school district and great views. She’s gonna pick me.

Bubba in all his glory

A few days later I heard robin chirps outside the window. I’m no bird expert, but can tell the difference between wooing and warring. Racing to the window, I spied Bubba, feet out, locked in mortal combat with another male robin. The second lad was taller and thinner; they were probably equal in body mass, just differently distributed.

They flew up in the air, toes clenched on each other, little wings working overtime. I think the challenger (Chad) might have disengaged from the sheer shock of helping to lift Bubba in the air.

“Branch me, this dude’s heavy!”

They flew apart, landed, turned their backs on one another. Bubba stayed close to the prized dogwood. Chad hopped around in an agitated manner, eyeing it, looking at Bubba, stepped closer.

In bird body language, Bubba rolled up the sleeves on his wings. Don’t ask me to describe this.

“You and what army, Chad?!” Bubba screamed—okay, chirped—and it was on again.

Chad went for the eyes. Bubba went for the butt hole. Chad went straight up into the air as Bubba scored a direct hit. Descending, he tried to headlock Bubba but, you know, Bubba’s head matches the rest of him and Chad didn’t have the claw circumference.

Bubba clearly thought the tree—and the girl it would impress—was a prize worth having. I began to wonder if Chad were actually after the tree, or the same cute little girl robin.

I’ll never know. As Chad and Bubba started round 3, a male cardinal flew into the dogwood. Watching the two robins tire themselves out, he clapped his wings in glee, shook his tail feathers, and emitted a cheerful song, translating thus: “Hey honey, it’s vacant! Come on down!”

A femme fatal cardinal arrived, svelte and poised, to perch on a higher branch. She eyed the fighting robins, rolled her eyes, and offered her man a tail feather flutter that sent him straight off his branch. By the time Chad and Bubba ended round six, the pair had a base going, he flying in with materials, she placing them in a secure branch fork.

Bubba finally saw Chad off, and turned, exhausted, to his prize. Mr. Cardinal puffed up and gave him a “whatcha gonna do about it” thousand yard stare. Mrs. Cardinal gave a sympathetic chirp, but couldn’t help adding, “Didn’t your mother teach you, fighting never solved anything?”

I haven’t seen Bubba since.

GOOD MORNING

Molly LOVED being an only child after our last FELV (feline leukemia) foster died, so we felt the wee bit sorry for her when Mama and Suzi arrived within a week of each other. Molly—who does not have FELV—rolled her eyes and went out the cat flap.

Mama went upstairs and established my office as her domain. Suzi went under the bed and emerged a couple of days later to fall hard for Bruce, our big pit bull baby. By the end of the day they were sharing his dog bed.

Bruce and Suzi

Not wanting the FELV twins to go out, we ended up doing surreptitious midnight-and-morning door openings for Molly. The neighbors must be convinced by now that we’re dealing drugs, but it kept Molly happy, and we could hear her scratching if I worked from the kitchen, so let it ride.

Yesterday morning dawned mild and glorious, a balmy breeze promising spring. Molly wanted out, and right behind her went Bruce. It took me a minute (I was on my first cup of coffee) to realize why Bruce had eight legs. Suzi was quite literally walking underneath him.

Crap. Well, the weather was mild, so I left the door open to ease tiny Suzi’s use of the heavy cat flap. A minute later I heard the flap and figured it was all good.

Nope. That was Mama, making a break for it.

Day was breaking, which meant the chickens were waking. It is our custom to put scraps for them each morning, so first thing they do is come running up to the back porch. They appeared on the horizon just as I was trying to coax the somewhat bewildered Suzi back inside. Mama took off to chase the chickens, then turned tail and went up the nearest tree when they chased her. Don’t get between a chicken and breakfast.

Suzi dove for cover under our porch as Molly sat nearby, cat-laughing with her tail tucked around her paws, eyes in slits. The chickens feasted, then went off to dig up the yard.

I taped the flap up so Suzi could come back inside once things calmed down, then went to gather eggs. One of the chickens followed me—after all I am the bearer of scraps. When I went into the house and began to glass eggs, I heard something come through the open hole that had been the cat flap. When I turned around, one of the chickens stood in the kitchen, watching me preserve eggs in the lime solution of a large glass jar. I could see the thought bubble above her head: So that’s why they keep disappearing!

Chasing the chicken out, I almost ran over Suzi trying come back inside. She retreated, shrieking, and I heard a purr: Molly was watching. I’m surprised she didn’t have a bowl of popcorn at her side, because the bubble above her head clearly said, Best. Movie. Ever.

We left the flap taped up. The chickens did not try again; I feel certain the little white hen told them what we were doing to their children, and they are plotting.

Suzi came in of her own accord. Mama eventually was coaxed down from the tree and carried inside, safe from the horrible flying things who clucked in an unpleasant way as I passed them with Mama in my arms. She shrank against me.

Molly sat outside on the porch awhile longer, in case there was a sequel.

How’s your morning going?