Brian’s Eulogy

Today our friends Joe and Elissa are waking up without their little buddy Brian. As dachshund rescuers, the couple are accustomed to loss. But this one was sudden.

Brian, for those who did not know him, was best described as a lump of dough left that wee bit too long in the bowl. He was blue/grey/white to the untrained eye (apparently this is a common doxie color) and he liked to, well, lounge.

I met Brian at Elissa’s house one fine summer’s afternoon, when I mistook him for a couch cushion and sat on him. Brian gave a slight yawn and a small movement with one paw, to indicate perhaps I could shift the tiniest bit so as to avoid smothering him. Not many things reached emergency range with Brian. He was a low-energy performance artist.

Not that Brian didn’t get exercise, oh no. I personally witnessed the little–ehm, the lad–slither down from the couch, legs extended in something akin to an alpine descent until he reached the point where gravity took over and his bum landed with a resounding WHUMP. At this point he would waddle to the food dish in the kitchen, have a strengthening snack and some water, and then make the long arduous journey back to the couch. Ascent is more difficult, so when possible he used human elevators. He had this look that would make you do anything for him, a slight head tilt, a softening of the eyes, a radiation of a vibe that said, “I know you are a kind and compassionate person…”

The first time I attempted lifting him, he remained on the floor. Elissa had to help me.

Besides these sprints for snacks, Brian’s main form of exercise was pursuing turtles. He never caught one, but he liked the thrill of the chase. Elissa has a small hillock in her back garden where turtles burrow, a kind of low-rise condo for the discerning shelled buyer. Brian never achieved his goal to eat one, but he pursued turtles with, if not vigor, at least, well no not determination either. Mostly if he saw a turtle he started toward the hill and the turtle shot him a look of condescending pity and ambled away. But we always cheered for him; it is important to have ambitions in life.

On a cold Wednesday morning, Brian arose from his fleecy bed and appeared at Elissa’s side. This was not unusual; he liked to sleep on her head the last hour or two before dawn. But when she placed him on the pillow as her dachshund crown, Brian suddenly went into cardiac arrest. And was gone. Just like that, lying on the soft warm pillow that had been his to claim for the last decade.

It was the way Brian would have wanted to go.

Now Brian will cross the Rainbow Bridge and join his siblings Nellie (aka the Nelligator, a dog to be feared and obeyed) and Black Jack, the neutered stud who was the face of spay-and-neuter campaigns among purebred beauties everywhere. (Brian was neutered, of course, but the idea that he would have exerted energy on a sexual campaign prompted behind-the-hands giggling among rescuers.)

We hope the struts on the Bridge were reinforced in preparation for Brian’s arrival. His rotund, actual-sausage-shaped body was a dense weight on four small balancing points that tended to shake structures wherever he walked. Brian will cross the bridge wearing the slight smile he adopted after Joe and Elissa adopted him. (Once Brian knew he was safe, he cut loose and lived his best life with gusto–on a couch cushion, burrowed under a blanket, watching the cooking channel.) And the Bridge will sound like thump-whomp ssssss, the rhythm of his four paws making contact while his tummy drags along.

Fare three well Brian. I believe you knew that you were my favorite of Joe and Elissa’s herd. We figure it will take you about fifteen minutes to cross the Bridge. They will bring you a cushion halfway, don’t worry. And once you reach the other side, your heated couch-on-wheels will be waiting, with a driver to park you where you can watch the activities at the fishing pond, the play fighting park, or the rabbit chase run. You can also have them take you straight to the Bark-b-que joint or the Perpetual Puppy Charcuterie restaurant. Your table will be waiting, dear heart.

The Tuesday Sweet Stories

the Monday Book will be back next week, or maybe after Christmas. Not like y’all have time to read this week anyway. Meanwhile, please enjoy this sweet story.

I made a crack-of-dawn run to Walmart for a few essentials, and the cashier, whose name was Gail, was commiserating with me about the kids stocking shelves, who do not like customers in their way during the early hours.

We were laughing and chatting about the sympathy we felt for them and how they used their big carts to strategically bully the early birds, more power to them, and suddenly she came out with this sweet story.

“One of the other ladies who works here lives alone, and so do I. She told me she puts up a little tabletop lighted tree, sets it on a tray table in the window of her apartment.

Well, I don’t really decorate for Christmas, it being just me. My daughter used to love decorating our tree, and since she died I just don’t do it anymore. I said this, just in conversation, you know, and the next day when I went into the break room there’s this tiny lit-up tree sitting there with my name on a tag. And it says, ‘Your daughter would want you to have a tree.’ I ’bout cried right there.

Well, I teared up when she told me the story and had to stumble out of the box store with my cart clearing the way ahead of me. I about ran into one of the stockers. I told my husband this story, and he said, “You know we need to a gift for the postie.”

Perhaps it was an odd response, but okay, we did need to do that gift basket. We cobbled together Scottish shortbread and home canning of hot peppers and a few chocolates into a nice basket, wrote Happy Hanukkah on the card (she’d told us last week when we wished her Merry Christmas) and waited. We waited so long we thought we had missed delivery that day. She was late, very late, and driving her own car instead of the postal van when she arrived. From previous conversations we already knew she was driving up from Bristol every day and this was a second job.

Gleeful at not having missed her, Jack handed out the basket through our screen door. She clutched it to her stomach as her face crinkled. “You don’t know what an awful day I’ve had,” she said. “This is totally helping. Thank you.” She hugged the basket to her as she went to the car.

I saw a meme that said “What if miracles are made up of caring people doing good things?” Make somebody’s day brighter this season, y’all. Light one candle against that foggy darkness looming out there. They will keep burning long after our personal supply of energy runs out.