The Monday Book – Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

Guest review by Janelle Bailey, avid reader and always learning; sometimes substitute teaching, sometimes grandbabysitting, sometimes selling books

Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

I know of not one single person who could possibly gain nothing from reading or listening to this book to help themselves and/or to help them help someone else but really just to learn from two people who are sharing the wisdom of their joined experience and understanding of how to survive…the very toughest of things.

Adam Grant you may recognize from his other wisdom-filled books, Think Again, Originals, Give and Take, and more.

The most amusing reality is that I really did not know how much I needed to be reading–listening to–this book right now and exactly when I did. I grabbed the audiobook from Libby days ago and primarily because it was available right then. I like to listen to a book when I am walking alone, and I found myself with a couple of days of walking opportunity. And my filters (audiobook, non-fiction, available now) in Libby typically yield very few results, and then when I scan those few available to prefer one read by the author him/her/themself, often nothing remains. In this case I took the “other than author” reader for knowing a little bit about the authors previously and wanting to see what this one is all about.

Sheryl Sandberg’s husband, David Goldberg, died while they were on a vacation in Mexico with friends in 2015. He was formerly of Yahoo’s employ and then a lead at SurveyMonkey. Sandberg was previously with Google and then employed at Meta. Whether you know of them does not really matter. This book is about the most isolating and humanizing reality of suffering: grief. No matter the money or power or privilege one has, losing your husband and the father of your children and then having to face the future and with young children in a way that gives all of you, ever again, any kind of wholeness and hope does not take money. It takes time and thought and smarts and the development of strength.

This book is also not solely about “that” kind of grief: losing a spouse instantly. It is about facing any and all kinds of grief (and I’ve experienced quite enough lately and long-time and of a few varieties, myself) in a fresh way and with more objectivity and logic of, as well as wise counsel through, the process of recovery from it to then also be able to move toward building resilience and accepting joy when the future brings it.

It’s also about helping others…doing better by others and becoming better at knowing what to say and how to say it to be helpful in others’ journeys rather than isolating them even more, and instead by seeing them and meeting them where they are and “leaning in” (Sandberg’s earlier title and work is Lean In) rather than staying away to let them figure it out themselves…and appear to be entirely not helpful, even though you may think you’re doing the right thing in giving them space and time.

The most lasting and relevant-to-right-now idea conveyed, and one that only confirms that I had, in this most recent situation, done the right thing, is truly listening and hearing when young people ask for help, making it clear that you are trustworthy if/when they come to you. I smiled a teary smile while listening to that section–and then listened again–and then held that highlight button to return later–as without having read the book first for “how to” instruction, that is EXACTLY what I had just done. I had answered a students summons to ask for help. And I have no regrets about giving my all–and this substitute job, I guess–by absolutely and instantly agreeing to help someone who asked and who was being harassed and bullied.

I seriously gained so much valuable and extremely practical information from reading this well-written and accessible book. And in reading it I grew in my skills of seeing and assisting others going through tough things as well as helping myself through a few soul-frying varieties of grief. Everyone gains something–even if they are resistant to learning, to change, or don’t, themselves, have an innate growth mindset–from reading this one. It is very, very good!

Come back next Monday for another book review!

The Monday Book – Reproduction by Louisa Hall

Guest review by Janelle Bailey, avid reader and always learning; sometimes substitute teaching, sometimes grandbabysitting, sometimes selling books

Reproduction by Louisa Hall

Reproduction by Louisa Hall

Again, I seriously struggle to understand how books come to me exactly as and when they do such that they intertwine with and connect so completely in coincidental ways with my own life. It is not always as crazy as it is with this one, but this is a rare gem.

I can tell you that it was Wednesday, September 27, when I was working at my still newish job at an independent bookstore, when I visited at length with a customer, the two of us conversing at length over snippets of conversation interspersed among her browsing the books and my tending to other customers. It all began with my welcoming her and her sweet little dog (I still know his name), and us then sharing sort of leveled-up knowledge and understanding of books and authors and more. The end result–I have no recollection of what she may have purchased–was my having this title and another written on a scrap of paper, as they were the two books she’d most recently read.

I proceeded to put both titles on hold at my local library, and when this one became available, I added it to my to-read stack and near the top–well, left of my shelved short stack–and kept thinking that it was “truly next,” as I was eager to return to my conversation with this now friend and report, at her request, my thoughts about it. But for a bit, more pressing–book club, due sooner, etc.–titles took precedence.

At face value of the book’s title alone, this topic is one with which I am quite familiar, having successfully reproduced and nearly completely non-eventfully, five times. I often think–and usually with much marvel as well–about how gratefully awed I am by my body’s having handled this all so very well. Given that all five of mine are now adults and wishing to live very independently (more independent from me than pleases me, quite often), I find myself in a position to be trying on this new mature identity that doesn’t have me leading with that fact or role, when meeting new people these days. It’s a process, though, and for sure! Being a “mom” is truly all I ever wanted to do with my life, and then it became all that really mattered to me for the past thirty years since I first got to call myself one. But as I said, those girls…err, young women…are often determined to distance themselves from me, so I find myself trying to figure out who I am…newly and now.

All of that reproduction set me up–every single one of those five successful pregnancies led to the (re)production of another female–not only for exponential, as I’ve always hoped–numbers of grandchildren, but now includes continual and even more complex concerns about their own reproduction–including their rights, health, and so much, much more.

That Reproduction‘s cover flap reveals it to be a “genre-defying novel” had me fully engaged, as soon as I began reading it.

My first fondness came at mention of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, a long-taught, long-favorite classic, and a book I discussed just days before with a student while substitute teaching. That the main character–or Hall, it isn’t completely clear–was planning to write a book about Mary Shelley was fascinating to me and that thread of connectivity throughout the book valuable.

The next connection was reference to author Tove Jansson and then very shortly later to Jansson’s Moomins. My heart was fully engaged for my fondness of and connection to Jansson; at this very moment in time a former student’s full collection of Jansson books is housed in my bedroom. I’ve had the box for more than two years, possibly…my slow reading of those slowly interspersed with other books. And my learning of Jansson’s Moomins traced to a very specific conversation in a Stockholm kitchen belonging to my cousins, the Finnish wife, C, of my cousin, H, telling me about them while simultaneously packing our picnic lunch and teaching me about haloumi…if I recall accurately.

Additionally and next, that someone very close to my heart had endured a “molar pregnancy,” as experienced by the book’s main character was consoling, in some ways.

But that wasn’t all of it. The next length of the novel addresses the main character’s horrible hemorrhaging after delivery of her daughter and all that traumatized her in those scary hours. And that was so specifically similar to what I experienced less than a week before my starting to read this book with my own daughter’s second delivery. How does all of this happen in and with one book that I am so divinely steered to read?

This would suffice for all of the relevant reasons I was enthralled, all the while, with this book, but for the crazy fun of my reading life, there is yet one more marvelously amazing layer to my own story with reading this book: and that is that, on my Facebook post of my “Here’s what I am reading right now” post last Friday morning, a dear treasure of a long-time AP Lit. teaching-met and AP Lit. Reading-established friend, who lives in Florida, commented that she used to babysit Louisa Hall, herself. Oh. My. Word.

I will simply keep listening generously to those steering me toward the books, taking direction as I always have from the usual places–awards, short lists, gut feelings about new publications, trusted authors, etc.–and additionally be forever grateful that my opportunity to work in the bookstore has become rewarding far, far beyond being paid to talk about books and/or sell them to others. Rather, it has also introduced me to smart, avid, and discerning readers, galore…and I’ve made many, many new friends of this very best kind: fellow readers.

Oh! Were you expecting to read about the book?

It’s likely to fall somewhere between triggering and satisfying in that “feeling seen” sort of way for a number of women who have endured similar difficulties with miscarriage and other pregnancy and/or delivery, post-partum concerns. And it does provide a certain amount of relief and satisfaction, too, for those of us who have had successful pregnancies and deliveries.

It does not read like fiction, given the similarities between the voice of the main character and Louisa Hall, herself. I wonder if it could be called “auto-fiction,” allowing for Hall to blend her truths in with other potentially fictional angles for these stories to take. There is lots to be learned and understood in reading this good book.

Come back next Monday for another book review!