I am at my parents, and in their garage, I came across a “Boundary Kit.”

Wait, what? Do they make these for those of us who can’t maintain our own??

After further investigation, it turned out to be for dogs, but it was too late, my imagination was off and running on how to modify this for best day job use.

First off, change those white boundary flags to make a yellow flag zone. In this zone you can still ask a question or suggest an idea but cannot reach the director’s desk to demand any paperwork. But you can reach across to hand over coffee or chocolate.

The repellant detectors: the fence should pick up on pointy collars, and anything made with linen. Male or female, anyone wearing a high-quality thread count outfit will automatically be shocked back at one hundred paces. The flags at this border will say “send an email.” This would eliminate about 30% of the day’s useless conversations and 90% of meetings, IMHO.

The fence would, of course, automatically shock back anyone wearing a red tie. It would also repel anyone wearing patterned ties involving dollar signs. We’ll have to check the design parameters to see if it could also do monogrammed shirt cuffs and ties, without distinguishing them from t-shirts with lettering. People wearing t-shirts with lettering should be let through; they contribute fun perspectives to ideas exchanges.

Of course, it goes without saying that anyone carrying more than three sheets of paper would be repelled by weight. In fact, we could add a trap door function for those carrying a file folder weighing more than six ounces. They’ll never bother you again. (Could we teach the fence to recognize the word “INVOICE?”)

By voice activation, the fence would incinerate anyone inside its range who used any of the following words or phrases: robust, paradigm shift, low-hanging fruit, run the numbers, or go viral.

Finally, the fence in “professional” setting would go into overdrive on Friday at 3 pm, and simply repel everyone.

Patent pending. Please form an orderly queue.

P.S. For a little extra, you can have the “writer’s version” which not only repels everyone, 24-7, but also shuts off your internet access in random three-hour stretches. It’s amazing what you can get done in those time periods. The writer’s version would also need the capability to instantly fry anyone who says, “Are you still working on that.” But it needs to only mildly shock spouses who “just pop in with a quick question” about supper or thermostat settings. I’m sure we can figure this out.