Category Archives: bad writing

Rewrite a Classic Title Game

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DSCN0018Some friends and I on a bookstore owner list were playing with classic titles, rewriting them to reflect the realities of running a bookshop. Here are a few we came up with:

Oh the Places You’ll Dust

Farewell my Harlequins (please!)

The Old Man and the C Shelf

Bonfire of the Vanity Presses

The Optimist’s Slaughter

Go Set a Watch (for those unfamiliar, timing the moment your front door can close so you can go to a party/go to bed early is one of the big joys of small business ownership)

How to Make Friends and Influence People’s Reading Habits

And we actually found a few titles that needed no alteration:

The Hunger Games

The Friendly Persuasion

Odd Hours

Yeah, you kind of have to be a literary snob, or worked retail, to get some of them. Please add your titles in comments. It’s kind of addictive once you get started….

Think and Grow Poor

The Thorn Books (those by authors whose star has faded; think about it)

The Cuckoo Flew Over One’s Nest (because you do kinda have to be crazy to do this)

To Kill a Mocking Teen

The Devil Wears Too Much Perfume (for all who’ve ever been choked by a customer)

Along Came a Spiderweb

Two Years before I went Bankrupt

The Battle of the Bookshelf Labyrinth

A Farewell to Free Time

A Prayer for All the Meanies (if you’ve ever worked retail….)

Come on, you know you want to make up a few…

Of Blog Guilt and Spiders

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That awkward moment when you realize you are a day overdue on your blog post but have nothing of any significance to say. You cannot be amusing, or timely, or philosophical, because you have been rearranging furniture for two days and are just plain pooped out physically.

And so I share with you the meme a friend posted on my FB page, because in the course of moving said furniture, I found a very large dark and hairy spider, dead behind one of the bookcases.

Could’ve been worse: VHDHS could’ve been alive. One of us would have wound up in intensive care.

It’s not that I have it in for spiders. As Amy, the friend who sent the meme, pointed out, they do useful work on this Earth.

Yes, but they should do this useful work outside, in the garden, not in my basement apartment. Four feet from my face while I’m sleeping. That’s not a domestic spider wearing an apron, humming as she dusts out the corner cupboard. That’s a creepy stalker spider with a knife.

It is in response to these sentiments that Amy sent the following meme:

spider meme

Ha ha.

Very funny.

No.