You Might be a Bibliophile If….

A friend of mine says bibliophiles are a breed apart, and I certainly agree. The tribe of book lovers has some quirky characteristics. So here (with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy) is a brief list of a few things I’ve noticed that distinguish us from the herd.

You might be a bibliophile if….

you either laughed or cried the first time you heard the words, “Abe Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.”

while browsing a used book store, you purchased a copy of a book you already own because the copy for sale had more charm.

during a tearful conversation in which your best friend tells you what a jerk his/her partner is, you emphatically compared said partner to any unsympathetic character from a 19th-century novel.

even once you have planned a stay-cation around a library sale or book conference.

you ever considered learning another language just so you could read something in its original form.

at any point in your life you uttered the words, “It’s like Noam Chomsky/William Shakespeare/Jhumpa Lahiri said…”

while visiting a chain bookstore, you placed a classic literature text on top of a copy of 50 Shades of Gray (double points if it was Fahrenheit 451).

you skipped a good meal at a sit-down restaurant in any given foreign city, because you spent the afternoon and your disposable income in a bookshop.

in the middle of a film you leaped to your feet shouting, “That’s not the way it happened!”

you have a friend you’ll send this list to, because you know s/he will snicker, too.

Yes, you might be a bibliophile…

Bibliophiles of the world unite! We have nothing to lose but …. well, we have nothing to lose.

Comfort Books

I hope everyone had a safe and happy Fourth of July yesterday. Ours passed comfortably in a swelter of heat, a nice cold plate of veggies and cheese for supper, and gorgeous fireworks with friends on the lawn. (They taught my newly-American husband–a native of Scotland–to say “Oooooh” and “Aaaaaah” at the right times, and presented him with a stars-n-stripes baseball hat.)

We returned to find our neurotic younger dog Bert had chewed his way through the baby gate that keeps him from the bookshop floor, to huddle quivering under the table. Apparently, his firework reactions were less “Oooh! Aaaah” than “Nooooo! Aaaaaagh!”

In righting the destruction Bert had wrought, my mind turned to the rituals and readings we use to comfort ourselves in such situations; had Bert been able to pull his favorite children’s book off the shelf–Wind in the Willows, of course–and read it (as opposed to shred it) he might have been able to forget the noise outside and find his happy place.

I have a few “my troubles can’t get to me here” books to which I return when my heart is uneasy, my brain a hamster wheel of all-go, no-forward-motion. Let me just share five here, and then you tell me yours.

Psalms: as in Old Testament Bible. The letters in the New Testament are also pretty calming, and for those of us who believe the back story, they return the balance of seeing the Big Picture versus the immediate events of the day.

Except for Me and Thee, Jessamyn West. Such a happy story, even when it’s bittersweet. If you’ve not read this tale of a Quaker family and their daily-life silly adventures, it is funny and charming; you can feel your blood pressure dropping as you read.

Bert and I share affinity for Wind in the Willows. My two favorite parts are the visit from Pan when they find the lost otter child, and the return to Mole’s house for Christmas. This sweetness comes wrapped in warm brown fur.

The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Call me crazy. A friend who works in a prison says she once asked the shrinks there, who visit ax murderers and people who killed women and children, “What do you do to relax?” A lot of them watched that serial-murder TV show “Dexter,” because “as bad as it gets here, it’s not that bad.” I think The Road is like that for many of us. No matter what’s going on, it ain’t that bad.

Anything by Louise Rennison. If you’re unfamiliar with this British writer, she turns out faux diaries of a “typical” English girl’s madcap adventures in love and family. Lines like “7 pm: I shall never think of him again!” and “7:02 pm: I hate him. I shall call and tell him so” intersperse with bad hair days, deciding what to wear to those all-important dances, and other stuff that makes one laugh out loud. Rennison is hysterical.

So, I showed you mine. How about yours?