Good afternoon and thank you all for being here. I know you’ve got many questions for me since my starring role in the major motion picture, AFF GIVING TUESDAY PROMO. The film has just been released.

Let me begin with a few basics. Yes, this was my debut performance, but I prefer to call it my break-out. Anyone can see I’m a natural. And that I have a great instinct for choosing good scripts. At 12 weeks, I’m old enough to know what sells.

How did I get into Hollywood? I guess you could say acting was a way to compensate for the loss I felt after my family deserted me. So many of us in the biz have had troubled home lives; it’s the valley of shadows that truly makes or breaks an artist, in my opinion, getting in touch with the abandonment, the rejection, the heartbreak, the shots and worming medicine… From the dark path of uncertainty grows the true artist, giving that performance where the pain of the past is turned into pathos for the Big Screen.

My family? I had four brothers and sisters but they all got adopted and I was stuck here at the group home. I play acted to pass the time, pretended I was a fairy princess, rescued by a furrever family… {ahem} So when the casting call went out for GIVING TUESDAY, I knew this was the role I had been born to play. My character drew her strength from true life experiences. It was a bit traumatic, really, reaching down in there and remembering the hard times with no food, no warm bed, no security, but it was worth it to see the producer’s jaw drop at the audition. And the rest is history. Making history, one might say. Teehee.

No, I really wasn’t expecting the public reaction to be so huge. Okay, well, false modesty aside, I’m adorable and all, and I do have a certain je ne sais quoi on camera… you’ve seen the film, right? Then you know what I’m talking about. The accolades and offers coming in right now, they’re only what one might assume from such a magnificent delivery as mine.

Yes, I do expect to hear from Meowimax shortly but right now I’m still under contract with Appalachian Feline Friends. They’re trying to raise money for spays and neuters coming up for some of the others in the group home. That reminds me, anyone who donates through Facebook on the Appalachian Feline Friends site between Tuesday and the end of the month gets their funds matched by the Gates Foundation. Double the money, no extra cost to the donor.

See it’s information like that I want to use my new platform of fame to highlight. My meteoric rise to stardom would be in vain were I to forget those humble beginnings with all the little cats back there who need a leg up. I’m planning to hire a couple as personal assistants before my next film. Stylists, carry my water dish, that kind of thing.

Shooting begins after Thanksgiving on my next project. It’s a biopic called “Furrever Family” and features me getting adopted. Kind of a “This is Your Life” documentary, focused on this one special moment.

Weeeelllll, the rumor is true. We did use a body double in a couple of scenes. I was unavailable for shooting the finale because of a vet appointment. A girl has to do self-care, you know.

Which reminds me. I’ve brought copies of my rider to pass out, specifying my dressing room needs. Fresh tuna only, none of that canned stuff. Pedicures are weekly and I prefer white–whole and Vitamin D fortified is best, but I’ll drink raw as well. Now if there are no further questions, one of the little people has arranged a meeting with the funders for my next project. You can support it in Appalachian Feline Friends.

Thank you, oh, and I’d like thank the Academy and particularly Dirk and Martha Wiley, the production team. And now, we’ll watch my movie. Again. Here