The Cat Came Back

I moved out to our tiny house (it’s a doublewide but tiny house sounds classier to some people) in the wilderness in May, emptying our house in town so it could be sold…. sigh. It’s a sluggish market and the house is STILL for sale.

But I have zippo regrets about moving into the county. The birds wake me in the morning and the frogs sing me to sleep at night. It’s cool in summer. It’s easy to keep clean. It’s hard to reach so only people who really like me come out here.

I brought the two cats out, of course. Molly our mouser took to it immediately and within a day was running around under the trailer’s skirt taking care of business. O’Carolan, our blind cat, located her diner and litterbox, then found her comfy rug and settled in for a stress-reducing nap. Later I showed her the home’s three porches and doors so she could acclimate in case she wanted to sun herself outside.

Which is probably how it happened. I was gone for a few hours, and when I returned, O’Carolan was not in the house. The front porch cat flap doesn’t have a door in it, so if she made it to the porch and something startled her, she could technically get out. My guess is the shaggy dog from down the way who seems to be a communal pet came just as she was sunning on the porch.

The ironic thing was that I saw her as I crossed the last stream (there are four) to reach my house, and she ran in panic from the sound of my truck hitting the water where she had been drinking. I just didn’t have any reason to think it was O’Carolan then.

Once I realized she was missing, I was back at the Last Known Location within five minutes, banging wet cat food cans together and calling “brekkies! supper!” etc. Nothing.

Two days of nothing. Well, two days of walking up mountains and along streams and through other people’s property, calling “O’Carolan” and rattling a food bag. The neighbors here want privacy. When I crossed one lot and saw a dog house the size of my front porch–with no dog in it–I figured I would meet him shortly and that was how I would die.

Two days of bargaining with God, then railing at God, crying over the sufferings a blind cat would endure in heat, in cold, in a woodland filled with creatures. A full day of despair. I got caught in a thunderstorm at the top of a steep mountain and literally slid down rocks on my butt. I found two abandoned houses in the wood. I found a thousand bags of high-end potting soil abandoned in the woods. (These were later redistributed.)

I did not find O’Carolan. I “knew in my spirit” that she had died horribly. And then my friend Amelia texted, “Have you told the neighbors she is missing?”

Sometimes logic deserts us in a crisis. I scribbled notes and stuffed them in the collection of mailboxes at the end of the state-maintained road: Big black and white cat lost, blind. If you see her please offer food and call this number.

That evening, as I drove past the house at Ford 3, the reclusive owner was leaning on the porch and waved me down. He pointed. “Your cat’s over there. We gave her supper last night and today. She likes head rubs.”

O’Carolan sat content in her new pipe home. Nice people, regular meals, outdoor living….

We had to tilt the pipe up and chute-shoot her into a cat carrier. She snarled until she was in it, then began purring. Home we went, where I set out a can of her favorite food and she walked around as though two days of terror on my part had nothing to do with her.

In the words of my wise friend Amelia, “You had a harder time of it than she did.”

All’s well as ends well, but I did apologize to God for some of the mean things I said.

(O’Carolan reminiscing on her adventures from the safety of her porch)

Selkie Calls a Press Conference

Good afternoon and thank you all for being here. I know you’ve got many questions for me since my starring role in the major motion picture, AFF GIVING TUESDAY PROMO. The film has just been released.

Let me begin with a few basics.23828923_947600555395967_1913690358_o Yes, this was my debut performance, but I prefer to call it my break-out. Anyone can see I’m a natural. And that I have a great instinct for choosing good scripts. At 12 weeks, I’m old enough to know what sells.

How did I get into Hollywood? I guess you could say acting was a way to compensate for the loss I felt after my family deserted me. So many of us in the biz have had troubled home lives; it’s the valley of shadows that truly makes or breaks an artist, in my opinion, getting in touch with the abandonment, the rejection, the heartbreak, the shots and worming medicine… From the dark path of uncertainty grows the true artist, giving that performance where the pain of the past is turned into pathos for the Big Screen.

My family? I had four brothers and sisters but they all got adopted and I was stuck here at the group home. I play acted to pass the time, pretended I was a fairy princess, rescued by a furrever family…23874247_947600735395949_1465708732_o {ahem} So when the casting call went out for GIVING TUESDAY, I knew this was the role I had been born to play. My character drew her strength from true life experiences. It was a bit traumatic, really, reaching down in there and remembering the hard times with no food, no warm bed, no security, but it was worth it to see the producer’s jaw drop at the audition. And the rest is history. Making history, one might say. Teehee.

No, I really wasn’t expecting the public reaction to be so huge. Okay, well, false modesty aside, I’m adorable and all, and I do have a certain je ne sais quoi on camera… you’ve seen the film, right? Then you know what I’m talking about. The accolades and offers coming in right now, they’re only what one might assume from such a magnificent delivery as mine.selkie

Yes, I do expect to hear from Meowimax shortly but right now I’m still under contract with Appalachian Feline Friends. They’re trying to raise money for spays and neuters coming up for some of the others in the group home. That reminds me, anyone who donates through Facebook on the Appalachian Feline Friends site between Tuesday and the end of the month gets their funds matched by the Gates Foundation. Double the money, no extra cost to the donor.

See it’s information like that I want to use my new platform of fame to highlight. My meteoric rise to stardom would be in vain were I to forget those humble beginnings with all the little cats back there who need a leg up. I’m planning to hire a couple as personal assistants before my next film. Stylists, carry my water dish, that kind of thing.

Shooting begins after Thanksgiving on my next project. It’s a biopic called “Furrever Family” and features me getting adopted. Kind of a “This is Your Life” documentary, focused on this one special moment.

Weeeelllll, the rumor is true. We did use a body double in a couple of scenes. I was unavailable for shooting the finale because of a vet appointment. A girl has to do self-care, you know.selkie

Which reminds me. I’ve brought copies of my rider to pass out, specifying my dressing room needs. Fresh tuna only, none of that canned stuff. Pedicures are weekly and I prefer white–whole and Vitamin D fortified is best, but I’ll drink raw as well. Now if there are no further questions, one of the little people has arranged a meeting with the funders for my next project. You can support it in Appalachian Feline Friends.

Thank you, oh, and I’d like thank the Academy and particularly Dirk and Martha Wiley, the production team. And now, we’ll watch my movie. Again. Here