3,2,1 LUNCH–er, Launch

So Tuesday past was the launch day of my book. A memorable day in so many ways; I spent it throwing up.

Nah, not nerves: flu. Apparently it’s come early to rural Virginia this year.

Between visits to the toilet and “just take me now Lord” prayers, I checked Facebook. It’s what one does on these occasions….

And my friends, the ones from the midnight opening of the bookstore (for those who didn’t know, we opened at 12:01 Tuesday morning so a half dozen of our most loyal customers could get their copies) were sending notes.

“On chapter 14, and laughing myself silly!”

“You are describing just what it was like for me when I came to Big Stone.”

“Ha! This is so accurate!” (which didn’t have any additional information attached to it, and has kind of become a catch phrase for me now. It’s just so succinct and yet so… wide-ranging.)

And emails and facebook likes and comments were coming from people I didn’t know, who’d bought the book that day in their local bookshops in various locations across the States. That was fun, to hear from those reading in Vermont and California. (And thanks to Jennifer Gough at Ebenezer Books who put it on her “staff picks” shelf!) And there were people who won the book in promotional giveaways from St. Martin’s Press; some were posting reviews on Goodreads and Amazon, others sending notes and comments–nice comments!

But the funniest moment came when Jack gave a shout of laughter from behind his computer screen. “You’re not gonna believe this! We’re in Walmart!”

Sure enough, he showed me the link. Walmart’s offerings include a book that extols the virtues of shopping small in local communities. And what do you wanna bet the Walmart up the hill behind us will sell the book that’s about the bookstore below them?

It’s a mad, mad, crazy world out there, so I did what any sensible person would do under those circumstances: crawled back into bed with the basin beside me. Go by, mad world.

The Bookshelf Con

(Jack and Wendy have headed off to the first book-signing today, leaving Andrew Whalen, shopsitter, extraordinaire in charge. Here’s Andrew’s guest blog for this weekend.)

I have a big secret:

I’m keeping a little list on the side, like a mob bookie running numbers outside of The Family. The list contains books I’ve found on the shelves here at Tales of the Lonesome Pine, and desire… AND I WILL HAVE THEM.

I wrote earlier about the perils of alphabetizing, and I’ve continued to  tackle a shelf a day. It makes me look dutiful and pragmatic. Section by section I can be sure that the shop is in an order I can navigate. It even helps me get to know the stock more, so I can help customers.

WINK.

THE-STING-NOSE-RUB.

You see, I was actually running a long con. Alphabetizing is just the excuse for eye-balling books that I super want to filch. Books that I want to transform from books into possessions.

The thing is, I could probably just hide them. But that would be unsportsmanlike. And the classic gentleman con-man values honor above all else. He also dresses really dapper. Still working on that one. Okay, no I’m not, that’s a lie… or a CON. So I’ve left them in place, visible and perfectly alphabetized. It is up to the whims of the bookstore to determine whether they get sold or not.

At first I figured that my tastes ran weird enough that I was safe. I would not hoard gold, like a dragon, but leave it out for all to see, and still I would win the day and walk away with my reward. But then, justhours after placing one of my beloveds, in comes a customer. He pulled MY book off the shelf. If he had seen me stroking the cover and purring, “YES MY SWEET YES YOU WILL BE MINE,” less than an hour earlier, well, he may have been too grossed out to touch it. But no, he flopped it onto the table and handed over his filthy lucre. “Going to use this for toilet paper… for my incontinent iguana,” he said, in my mind, where I imagined him being an awful person.

So the game’s afoot. The books are out on the shelves. I’m not going to tell you what any of them are, but there are several in the Sci-Fi section, one in General Fiction, and one in History. OR THIS IS A DOUBLE BLUFF.

And now, with this blog post, I’m definitely spilling the beans. The jig is up. Unless this blog post is all part of my elaborate ruse…

THE-STING-NOSE-RUB… AGAIN.