Iman Bowie Says Hi

DSCN1640Well hello there – my name is Iman Bowie, and although that may sound superstar lucky, my beginnings were anything but, let me tell you.

I won’t go into the early months, but let’s just say I’ve been looking after myself for some time now. I gave birth to two lovely boys a month or so back, and although times were tough, I did my best. We were living in the parking lot behind a department store, near a heating vent. Not a lot to eat, but I could keep them warm. Two ladies came by with food from time to time, and that helped a great deal.

So you can imagine how I felt when Tom and David disappeared: beside myself. Temperatures were plummeting and I was out there searching everywhere, calling them, and suddenly SWOOP! Some sort of net cage fell over me and, well, I figured that was it. I’d never see my boys again.

But my captors were the ladies who brought me food! They took me to some sort of facility, and wouldn’t you know Tom and David were there–just leaving, but so long as I knew they were safe and happy. Both have been adopted into loving families, as it should be. I’m so pleased to have done right by them.

Just in time, too, because after a few hours at the hospital, I began to feel woozy. And then–ehm, we needn’t go into details here; let’s just say there were many things inside me that needed to come out. And they did.

As I lay there in my hospital bed, groggy and nauseous, a face appeared. Wearing one of those Queen Cone collars. A white cat, squinting at me, asked, “Feeling better, ducky?”

imanThat’s how I met Sweet Pea (Queen Bee, as I call her, because of the collar, you know). She showed me around the hospital when I was back on my feet again, introduced me to the staff –such nice girls– and gave me pointers on where to get extra blankets and what to do if I wanted more food.

You know how it is, one minute someone is showing you the ropes, all business and efficiency, and the next you’re sharing cups of tea and talking nine to the dozens and you can’t remember a time you weren’t friends.

SPQB (sorry, my little joke) is such a sweetheart. You know, she can barely see. Her own life was even harder than mine; some of her kittens died of preventable illness before they reached the hospital, and she’s not sure what happened to the rest. SO hard for a mother to bear. Plus, her eyes. She caught a virus–and yes, it would have been treatable, but when one has no resources…. ah me. The long and short of it is, she’s left with a permanent squint and some vision loss.

She isn’t blind, of course; you should see Ms. Pea Bee bat a jingle ball! (We are Lady Cats, but perhaps when the staff aren’t looking we’ve been known to kick a few field goals.)

So really, my life improved in ways I couldn’t imagine since coming to hospital. My fur is long and silky again – with the children and the cold I just didn’t have time to care for it properly; the boys are set for life; and I have a new best friend.

I couldn’t imagine not being there for Sweet Pea. To separate now would break our hearts, and besides she needs me to help her find her collar in the mornings, and sometimes she thinks furniture is people, silly old girl, so we are counting on a home together. Surely someone out there wants two confirmed bachelor girl cats (still beautiful so celibate by choice, I hasten to add; we’ve had it with Alley Cat promises and stale catnip bouquets). We’re not much trouble, fastidious about our toilets and perfectly content in each others’ company. We love a head rub and a cuddle now and again; it’s lovely to sit together in the same lap.

So if you’re interested in us, please drop by Powell Valley Animal Hospital and ask for Mandy or Kendra; they’ve been our primary care team here, such sweet souls. We look forward to meeting you, Queen Bee and I. Now I think she’s got the cards and the teapot out, so we’re going to play some Speed Poker. (I don’t know who taught her, but she’s wicked good at it.) I must go, but I’ve enjoyed this little chat and look forward to meeting you.DSCN1664

Lissen up. Brutus is talkin’ here

battle axeThe following blog should be read in a Brooklyn-Mountains fusion accent.

Yes there is.

Yo. So I’m out in this nice subdivision, workin’ my usual scam, “Please lady, I ain’t eaten in three days” big soft eyes, little tiny mews, you know, the Puss in Boots treatment from that movie.

Hey, don’t judge me. You ever been hungry ’nuff ta beg? It ain’t nice, but it’s better’n starvin’. Suddenly the cops show up. That’s happened before, so I make a run for it. But maybe I’m a little slower, ’cause I’ve had this cold for awhile, can’t catch my breath.

And they got this noose, right, on a big pole? They get me in that, and I’m coughin’ an’ chokin’ on accounta the noose, and the chick who turned me in, is she all, “It’s for your own good, poor thing?”

No. She is not. She’s tellin’ the cops I’m the one poopin’ in her flower bed an’ terrorizin’ the other cats. Which I was NOT! Poopin’ in her geraniums. That’s the yorkie who gets out through the screen hole, but she don’t know it.

Anyway, I wind up in jail, and I’m lookin’ rough, ain’t had a bath in awhile, got this cough, so I figure, this is it, right? Death row.

In comes this little grey-haired lady. An’ I swear, if ever the word “pushover” was written on a forehead. She comes over to me with these big soft eyes and says, “If I take you home, will you be good?”

Heh. I go into the belly roll with that little paw wave humans like, battin’ imaginary yarn, an’ I make my eyes so big, you can fit Texas inside ’em.

She hauls me out to hold me–which I do not like; a guy wants his freedom – but I let her ’cause she’s gonna spring me. She puts me in onea those cardboard jail transport boxes, but I’m cool ’cause we’re going to her house, right? Home cookin’ plus maybe a chance to clean up a little before I hit the road again.

Wrong. The vet. She takes me to the friggin’ vet. Now a guy like me, three years old in the prime of life, it takes some finaglin’ to dodge all those do-gooders out there who wanna take my balls. I’ve managed this far, right?

So  if I ain’t busted outta a fewa those jail boxes in my time, I’m lyin’. I make my move an’ there I am in the lobby, giving ’em a merry chase just waitin’ for somebody to come in from the outside so’s I can make my break…

You ever met their receptionist? Dianna? All I’m sayin’ is, she’s got experience. Whatta woman. I never even saw it comin’.

I wake up all groggy on a table, an’ I think they’ve done it, but no, they’ve just checked me for STDs. Which I do not have. I may not be a gentleman, but I’m careful.

After this clean bill of health AND violation of my civil rights, they stick me in a cage. They say they’re gonna do the deed next week when I’m “calmer” then see if they can “socialize” me. They gave me a name: Brutus.

I gotta admit, I kinda like that part. Never had a name before.

The pushover lady came back an’ pulls a chair up to my cell, so I know it’s the old heart to heart social worker routine, yeah? She tells me I need to behave, if I do maybe somebody’ll take me home, and it’d be all soft laps an’ cream bowls, watchin’ the game on TV from the comfort of a heated room with a couch. I gotta admit, that don’t sound too bad. It’s just, I’m used to the outdoor life, minimal human contact, y’know?

She said they’d “assess” me in a week, see if I was headed for a barn or a house. Me, I’m gonna play this by ear. If this “socialization” involves those pretty nurses here rubbin’ me nice, I just might go along with it. But that “alteration” don’t sound so good. A barn, warm hay, mice, maybe some milk now an’ then…. hmm…..

Either way, I don’t hafta spend another winter beggin’. It’s hard on a guy’s self-esteem. Not to mention it can get really cold out there. Heh. Mighta lost my pair another way anyhow, y’know?

Que sera sera. Let’s just see what happens here.