There Must be 50 Ways to Kill a Camel

jodiSo I have this friend, Jodi, who has a real dramatic flair. That’s her, on the left, in her wedding dress. Her wedding (as beautiful as it was reflective of her personality) opened with the theme from 2001, if that gives you any clues.jodi dance That’s her dancing with Anthony-the-sweetheart-groom. And yes, that’s a Battlestar Galactica tattoo on her back. She got it special for the wedding.

At the paper where she is a reporter, Jodi’s coworkers reaaaaaly got into that commercial about Hump Day. Apparently a camel walks through the office asking people what day it is, on Wednesdays, because that’s halfway through the week? Who comes up with this sh–anyway, Jodi let fly with an online tirade about Hump Day–and being a very intelligent woman and a wordsmith, Jodi can tirade with eloquence that sticks to you.

Not ten minutes after reading her FB post about Hump Day and its horrors, I walked out of my college office and found a camel on the sidewalk. camel


So my friend Elissa and I did what came naturally: mailed it to Jodi in an anonymous package, timing it to arrive on a Wednesday. The postal service being what it is, it arrived on a Friday, and when Jodi got in from work, exhausted and looking forward to a weekend of freedom, she let us know how pleased she was at being sent this gift. How did she know it was us? Well, Jodi is very smart…

camel scissors camel nail file

camel dogThere must be 50 ways to kill a camel.

We are reliably informed that the camel is still alive, living on Jodi’s desk at the paper, and that on Wednesdays her coworkers delight in playing with it. This makes Elissa and I very happy. We expect more death pictures soon. camel microwave

Critic on the run after trashy Review

photo (2)Fur is flying after numerous catty responses to the handling of a recent book. (For the full review from Lucy, pictured at left, please visit yesterday’s blog post.)

“I trusted my instincts and did what came naturally,” insisted Lucy, the literary agent in the doghouse. “Yes, I trashed the book, but that’s part of my job.”

Not so, said well-known publicist ValKyttie (shown here with the book in question). “What would a bitch like that know about good writing? Crap. That’s all she produces, is crap.”valkyttie with her cover

Speculation has arisen that ValKyttie, who is CEO of the book’s subject (a second-hand book store in a small town somewhere in SW VA), may be personally motivated in her criticism. However, several other voices have joined the caterwaul of protest.

Tallulah, a Southern Literature expert, dismissed Lucy’s comments with a sniff. “This is nothing more than a dogged determination to leave her mark. But I tell you one thing, that pup has ruined her career. This review will dog her every step from this day forward. Her boss will shriek protests if she so much as approaches another book this year.”tallulah

Tallulah is currently visiting The Little Bookstore of Big Stone Gap with her children: (from top) Clyde Edgerton, Amy Clark, and Silas House.

clydeAmy Housesilas house

Of the trio, House was most sanguine. “Meh,” he was overheard to say.

When she heard of House’s dismissive remark, Lucy suggested they meet face to face to settle their differences. House has not yet responded.

Perhaps the final words on this dog-eat-dog saga belong to Starbuck, a veteran newshound from Richmond, VA. Those who follow the literary world’s movers and shakers may remember when Starbuck made news herself by becoming the first dog under the age of six months to learn to read. starbuck

The Buckster howled with delight when told the story, then sobered to growl, “Lucy better be careful. Biting off more than one can chew is dangerous. These young pups,” she said, shaking her head and returning to her drink. “You try to train ’em, but…”

Editor’s Note: Louise Malpas, normally all ears regarding reviews of Welch’s book, is vacationing in the Hamptons and could not be reached for comment. Friends suggest she would have bounced with enthusiasm at the publicity.