Character. Assassination.

murder 1Last night was one of our famous semi-annual murder mysteries here in the bookstore. We use them to blow off steam and laugh at the events of the past six months. (They are less about whodunnit than letsfunit.)

So we asked the Provost of one of the two local colleges if he wanted to be murdered. His enigmatic reply–“Yes please”–set off a chain reaction of academics demanding to take part.  As it happened, our new chancellor had just arrived–one day ahead of our first campus emergency involving an alleged gunman (turned out to be a student hoax); we figured she might have some steam to blow off, so asked, somewhat shyly, if she wanted to participate.

The Chancellor (in cap) flanked by her VC for Finance Sum Doing, and the detective who will be her undoing (played by her real-life daughter Margaret)

The Chancellor (in cap) flanked by her VC for Finance Sum Doing, and the detective who will be her undoing (played by her real-life daughter Margaret)

Heck yeah, came the response. Can I be the murderer?

We had fun, killing off the senior management at “Harvard in the Valley,” and since the Science Department Head, an IT member, and the Director of PR played themselves, the inside jokes were phenomenal. And must remain anonymously so. What’s said inside the bookstore stays inside the bookstore.

But y’all can enjoy the photos. Next murder will be this November. Sign up now. People are dying for the parts.

The about-to-be-late Provost Hugh Sanders (played by real-life Provost Sandy Huguenin) arrives at a meeting he's not supposed to know about--all teeth and smiles.

The about-to-be-late Provost Hugh Sanders (played by real-life Provost Sandy Huguenin) arrives at a meeting he’s not supposed to know about–all teeth and smiles.

The Portrait Scandal of the Century: Arts Department Head gets worst student to paint bad official portrait of new chancellor - and results go viral despite PR director's best bribery!

The Portrait Scandal of the Century: Arts Department Head gets worst student to paint bad official portrait of new chancellor – and results go viral despite PR director’s best bribery!

The Science Department Chair is not amused

The Science Department Chair is not amused

The chancellor and her PR person arrive unexpectedly from a fundraising canoe trip--and the whirling blades conjoin with the bovine excrement

The chancellor and her PR person arrive unexpectedly from a fundraising canoe trip–and the whirling blades conjoin with the bovine excrement

The Arts Department Chair, confronted by Girl Detective Margaret Bach, admits she "loaned" VC for Finance Sum Doing a few pennies here and there. In the forefront, Eng 1 (one of two contestants for the throne of Language and Lit head) looks on.

The Arts Department Chair, confronted by Girl Detective Margaret Bach, admits she “loaned” VC for Finance Sum Doing a few pennies here and there. In the forefront, Eng 1 (one of two contestants for the throne of Language and Lit head) looks on.

Justbe Still, PR director, counts scandals and plans damage control

Justbe Still, PR director, counts scandals and plans damage control

Eng 1 seeks aid from the Chancellor - lots of aid

Eng 1 seeks aid from the Chancellor – lots of aid

Hands up, everyone who's had an affair with the Provost!

Hands up, everyone who’s had an affair with the Provost!

The guy playing the Provost (the Provost) didn't know about that little affair subplot...

The guy playing the Provost (the Provost) didn’t know about that little affair subplot…

Margaret tries to match blackmail note with sender using perfume scent. Why does the Science Teacher smell like formaldehyde?

Margaret tries to match blackmail note with sender using perfume scent. Why does the Science Teacher smell like formaldehyde?

Shelter in Place

Shelter in Place

Don't make me sing the Carmen Aria...

Don’t make me sing the Carmen Aria…

Science had a few words for English....

Science had a few words for English….

.... and the Provost (before his demise) had a few words for everyone

…. and the Provost (before his demise) had a few words for everyone

But the final words "and the murderer is" belonged to Margaret, who cracked the case. See how proud her mother is of her? Pity she was the one who got busted.

But the final words “and the murderer is” belonged to Margaret, who cracked the case. See how proud her mother is of her? Pity Mom was the one who got busted.

Shelving What Matters Most

Last night, with about a hundred things to do to get ready for tonight’s murder mystery in the bookstore (starts at 7, if you’re in the neighborhood) I wound up culling our online inventory.

You know the drill; it’s a form of avoidance therapy we’ve all practiced, this sudden need to do a job that’s been sitting around for weeks and has nothing to do with the urgent things before you, but just at that moment the planets align and there could be no better thing to do with one’s time than….

…reconcile the printed inventory list of 452 books with the titles on the online shelf. Mostly these books are hard to find for some reason and thus in high demand. The list being very dynamic, it’s a tussle to keep the right books on that shelf. Hard to find cuts both ways.

So I went at it. With my husband one floor below me installing a floor for our new bedroom (took him only eight hours; we’re very proud!) and foster kittens sullying the mystery room with every passing moment, despite baking and cleaning and last minute “how did this get there” tidying to be done, I grasped the list of titles firmly and spent 2 glorious hours playing a game of solitaire with books.

Is the book on the shelf? Fine, mark it off the paper list. Is the book on the list but not the shelf? Search the bookstore section it should be in. Is the book AWOL? Make another list. After all, tomorrow is another day.

When it was over, the bookstore was in chaos. Piles of mis-categorized books on the table. Gaping holes in the online shelf where books were falling over, falling off. Dust from ancient tomes everywhere.

Most satisfying. I cleaned up the debris, then made a half-hearted start at my “to do” list for the murder. As it turned out, things weren’t nearly so awful as I’d supposed. Pick up a dog toy here, straighten a shelf there: twenty minutes, and the place looked good. Screw the baking; we’ll serve ice cream sundaes.

Work expands to fill the time allotted it. If I’d given it two hours, I’d have found two hours’ worth of tidying. But you know, the time spent among the books, happily alphabetizing and culling and imposing a sweet sense of order on a random corner of the universe – well, sometimes it just does a body good to putter. Let the mad world whirl by; the books and I had a grand evening.