Maybe it’s that blood moon. Maybe it’s the pollen count making us all high on Sudafed. Or maybe I just happened to catch the best moments, but this week has produced some absolute classics in “funniest things ever said in a bookstore.” Here are three of my recent favorites:
*phone rings*
“Hello, is that the bookstore? I am downsizing and have a truckload of books for you.”
“Oh, lovely…” Oh, sh———
“These are all that’s left. I’ve burned about as many as are still here, but I can’t burn fast enough. Would you come and get these?”
*door opens, two women enter*
First woman: “We heard you could tell us how to market a book.”
Me: “Pardon?”
First woman: “We wrote a book. It’s a mystery, set ’round here. We’ve sold a lot to our family and friends, people that know us, but we want to sell it to more people.”
Second woman (to first): “Maybe she could sell it in here.”
First woman (looking around, shakes head): “Nah. Too many books in here, it’d get lost. (to me) Can you give us any ideas on how to sell it?”
*phone rings*
“Is that the bookstore that has the book about it?”
Me (bracing for impact): “Yes?”
Person: “I’ve written a book. Would you sell it?”
Me: “Sure! We like to promote books by local authors, but we can’t do any specific special promo because we don’t have the space. We have a shelf first thing when you come into the store, and we will put it there with the others. If you want to put a sign up on top of the shelf or hang it from the ceiling, we do that for the first six months your book is out.”
Person: “Well, my book is only available on Amazon. Could you put up a sign telling people to buy it there?”
Y’all come on down. We’re here, bricks, mortar, books, sense of humor and all.
Wendy Welch: Books, Yarn, Cats, Opioids 