Category Archives: humor

BEST PICK-UP LINES IN A BOOKSTORE RESULTS

Posted on by
6

It took us a few extra weeks, but these are worth the wait…. (drum roll please – no, nix that and strike a blast on a kazoo.)

ANNOUNCING THE WINNERS OF THE GREATEST PICK-UP LINES HEARD IN A BOOKSTORE CONTEST:

Best of show – Kelley Pearson, for her combined use of great literature and sexual innuendo:

I see you’re a Poe fan. So am I! How about you come “rap, rap, rapping on my chamber door” around seven tonight? I will serve you some of my “Amontillado” and if “The Imp of The Perverse” is in spirit, you can show me your “pit” and I will show you my “pendulum”?

Since Kelley is the owner of SECOND STORY CAFE, and therefore a bookstore employee, she is disqualified. However, it is a great line!

So here are the other winning entries:

Second place in combined innuendo and literature: MA Williams, for:

Hey, babe. You know, that Darcy dude really got a bum rap. Wanna rewrite some chapters with me?

Nice touch, MA – appeals to the literary heart and the libido. PM us your address.

Smoothest line – James Ryan’s “WOW! This bookstore is magical. I just made a wish and there you are.”

We know where you live, James. Be afraid….

Voted most likely to work – Lacy’s “I’d love to catch you in my rye.”

Lacy, send us an address!

Voted most likely to work only in New England – Mark Seaton, with ” I’m not usually this forward, but I couldn’t help but notice your amazing table of contents. And if you are in concordance, I believe all indices favor that our meeting not be a mere footnote, but rather, a co-authored magnum opus.”

Mark, PM us your address and we’ll send you a copy of Jack’s Scots Traditional music CD. And we promise not to tell the police where you are.

Voted most likely to get you slapped – Stacy Baker’s  “Do you breed here – um, I mean, READ here often?”

We’d like to thank the other entries–some of which might get us arrested, so if you want to look at them, scroll down to the Sept. 9 blog and read for yourself. A word to the wise: don’t drink anything while reading; you’ll wind up spitting it on the keyboard.

Last but not least, thanks to “Rosemary Beddington’s Husband” for the worst entry ever: Oh, is that “Gone with the Wind” you’re reading or did you just fart?

*shakes head* Dude…….

WTH Happened in Cookbooks?!

Posted on by
7

After a long period of neglectfulness because of Busy Life Syndrome, I moved with purpose and dusting rag yesterday afternoon toward the section of our bookstore housing Horror, Cookbooks, Hippie Interest and Crafting.

Yeah, we put ’em in the same room. Doesn’t everybody?

Anyway, it had been a good long month since any staff had touched the area, other than the quick sweep-n-mop that keeps us from drowning in doggie dander. For some reason, our black Lab Zora loves to doze evenings in the hallway between Homeopathic Health and Cookbooks. Maybe to a dog’s sensitive nose those books smell pleasantly of herbs and bacon. I don’t know.

The scene that met me was worse than anticipated: VC Andrews sat chumming it up in the knitting section. (I wonder what Debbie Macomber would say to that?) Brian Lumley was Cooking with Oprah, the hippies hanging with Stephen King. And the diabetes diet books leaned with a drunken slant against Cakes for Christmas.

A little neglect goes a long way. Over the next two hours, I bookwrangled the wild volumes into a semblance of order. I’m pretty sure Day of the Triffids snarled at me as I separated it from Wilderness Survival, but the world doesn’t need any more horror novels about plants gone bad.

The whole time I was pulling John Saul off Julia Child, that Boston Globe article about wealthy retirees buying “failed” bookstores and reopening them lay on my mind. It was a great article from a bookslinger’s perspective: how the bookstore is not only not dead, but in full-blown revival, climbing the charts of “most wanted retirement careers” to number eight from fifteen in just two short years.

But I hope those dear, sweet people understand that it’s a lot of work, and in many ways a lot of the same work over and over again. You will spend less time discussing Russian Literature than you will separating it from Amish Christian Romances.

Jack and I wish you well, you new crop of bookstore owners, and we wish you the joy that comes from co-mingled dust and ideas. You’re going to see a lot of both.