Tag Archives: life

What Would You Do?

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So what would you do?

I joined the American Association of University Women to meet other educated women. They fact that they wanted to change the world for the better for future women was a bonus.

The group recently decided to book a DEI speaker; when I found out who it was, my heart sank. Don was on the board of a local theater and held a terrible conversation with me about being unwilling to pay a black female storyteller the same as a white male teller. During the conversation, he said the festival was already diverse because it had a performer from the LGBTQ+ community. I was the one causing trouble by making a false claim in the first place.

I left that committee; Don then denied he’d said most of that. In my opinion, this man has as much business talking DEI as the pope does birth control. I took my concerns to the AAUW person overseeing that program, who said she hadn’t booked him and shared my belief that he was inappropriate, not least because a man would talk to women about DEI. She asked me to line up an alternate. I did, but Don was then left in place. “What’s done is done,” she emailed me, when I asked what happened.

So here’s my question: do I go to the meeting and confront this DEI champion of the old school upholding he is benefiting from, or do I walk away? An org that says it intends to make the world better for successive generations of women but doesn’t want to start now isn’t a good bet for a future plan. But is it worth going to the talk, sitting with a fixed smile, and then asking him why he supported not paying the white male and black female storytellers (of equal national standing) the same amount?

Because, you know, if women want to change the world, we need to do so politely. Raising our voices, challenging questions, breaking a sweat: do we really need to do those? Won’t I just be seen as a woman being rude, perhaps even personal?

Every chance to make the world better is a rare one these days. If I don’t confront this situation, am I doing what I am accusing the AAUW group of: taking the easy way rather than challenging the old order in favor of stronger voices with better representation? Or will I be the bitch who yelled?

Accepting advice now, thanks.

Two New Things

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Well, if yesterday was two lovely things, today is two new ones. I flew back from Cushendall in NI to Edinburgh in prep for heading back to the States tomorrow, and had two new experiences. Apparently they travel in pairs these days.

As the plane took off, I felt water drip on me. The man next to me put up his hand and wiped away a drip above him. We looked at each other.

“Bottle of something musta come out of someone’s bag,” he said in a thick Irish accent.

I took the laminated safety cards out of our respective seat pockets and we used them as shields during takeoff. The instant the plane leveled, I pressed the call button.

The flight attendants appeared a couple of minutes later (when the sleeve of my sweater was soaked) bearing paper towels. They explained it was condensation, not a spilled bottle, and it wasn’t hurting any luggage. They stuffed the towels into the crevices and gave me some to clean up with.

My companion in the next seat decided we had bonded. “Had yersel’ a nice Irish holiday?” he asked.

One of my resolutions for this winter is to be more outgoing, talk to strangers, etc. I sighed and shut my book.

He was, in a word, inebriated, and eager to explain the details of his fascinating life. These mostly involved women in pretty dresses at dances, and the fact that he was having a 60th birthday party on Sunday coming with a couple hundred of his closest friends and family. He told me about living in Italy, where he was doing contract work, visiting family in Belfast, where he was born, and traveling to Kirkcaldy (in Fife, Scotland) where he lived when he wasn’t away.

He also told me about traveling north with his ex-girlfriend for a few days before the party, getting some nice hotel rooms. He said ex-girlfriend several times, but always in conjunction with a hotel. Then he moved on to the dance he’d been at the night before we found ourselves getting dripped on aboard this plane.

“Great dance in Belfast, lotsa old friends there, including a friend from Poland I used to go out with, just got married, pregnant out to here, but we got in a dance.” His hands indicated her size. “I made her promise not to do any twirls, like.” He hauled out his phone.

“And my other good friend was there, too. I don’t date her anymore, but she looked lovely in that dress.” Evidence was proffered by photo and yes, she did. It was a hot pink draped number, elegant yet sexy.

Switching gears abruptly, he started talking about a visit to Germany. Apparently the connection was he’d made it with the “other good friend” in the pink number.

“Saw a motorcycle by the side of this lake, and went to take a look, and there were some clothes, and then the rushes shook and out the two came, buck naked. They look at me without shame and say ‘morgen.’ I say ‘morgen’ back. That kinda thing happens there all the time.”

It was only a thirty-minute flight, I told myself. And indeed the plane landed mid-story of his next trip, with an old flame, someplace around Orkney.

But then the pilot came on: our spot was taken by a malfunctioning plane. Only 30 minutes to fly between cities, but it took 45 to deplane. Never mind, my new best friend had more stories…..

At the end of his story, he asked me if I needed a ride anyplace, he was picking up a car.

And that’s all you’ll be picking up, buddy, I did not say aloud, and assured him I was all set. He had the grace to look vaguely disappointed.

So now I’ve sat next to a drunk man on a plane, and honestly, if it must happen, the wee hopper between Belfast and Edinburgh was the right time. And I’ve been condesensationed by a plane – which is not quite the same thing as being condescended to, so that’s all right, isn’t it?

What silly adventures the world holds, eh? Sorry, no photos because, you know, who takes photos of drunk men on planes?